The Disaster Show
by liviafan1
Summary: "I'm glad you think this is funny, Castle. That humor's going to take you a long way when I pull my gun on you after this whole thing is over." My take on the upcoming 'Meet the Parents' episode with Martha and Jim. COMPLETE.


**Disclaimer: I'm no Andrew Marlowe, but I do credit him as the source of my recent bout of inspiration. The man is a genius.**

**For Jenny, Julia, Becky, Laura, Avi (and of course, Jess & Mandi)-all of whom I had the immense pleasure of meeting Sunday at the USC Event with Stana Katic and Andrew Marlowe. You guys made the four hour wait fly by. And all I have to say is _me-wow_.**

* * *

When she burns the turkey, he can't help but laugh. Luck just has _not _been on their side tonight. Hopefully, not a sign of things to come.

She shoots him a glare as she heaves the huge pot onto the counter. "I'm glad you think this is funny, Castle. That humor's going to take you a long way when I pull my gun on you after this whole thing is over," she grumbles, waving her arm to clear the smoke.

"Come on, Kate. You gotta find the humor in the situation." He sidles up to her, wrapping his arms around her, his thumbs slipping under the edges of her apron. She swats his hands away on a smoke-induced cough, tossing an oven mitt onto the counter with a huff.

"You're worrying for nothing," he says, brushing a loose curl from her face. She turns to him then, looking cute in flour-covered cheeks. His adorable, irritated girlfriend, whose cooking skills seem to be a little far out of reach at the prospect of their parents meeting for the first time.

She sighs. "I just have a bad feeling about this."

"Okay, don't hate me for saying this, but," he places his hands on her hips, "Let's say they don't get along. Is that really going to change things for us?"

She groans, ducking her head into the crook of his neck. "It's gonna make the holidays hell," she mumbles into his skin.

He brushes his lips across her head. "You have a point," he concedes.

She lifts her head. "Christmas is only a few weeks away, Castle. I want everything to be perfect."

"It's the first one we're spending together, Kate. How can it not be?" he says softly.

Yeah, the holidays make him a little sappy.

Her mouth tips into a small, warm smile and she lifts her head for a kiss. "You're very sweet," she murmurs as he swipes his thumb across her cheek, dusting some of the flour away.

"Does that mean you won't be pulling your gun on me tonight?" he jokes.

She hums a little dark chuckle, her eyebrows lifting as she trips her hand down his chest to below his belt. "If you're lucky, I'll let you pull _your_ gun on me tonight," she rasps, squeezing gently.

"_Me-wow_," he growls, tugging her in for a long, slow kiss. He slips a hand under her sweater, palming her warm back. She sighs, her fingers tightening at his arms, allows them this moment together before their parents arrive, due at any minute. She nips at his bottom lip once, twice, before she's gently shoving him away.

She smudges her fingers against his lips before she finally turns back to the blackened debacle in front of her.

"We could always order pizza," he teases.

"Oh, you are _so_ on dish duty tonight."

* * *

He really wishes he had the foresight to call Alexis and ask her to join them for dinner, but she's been really stressed lately and he didn't want to add to that.

...but it would've been a good idea.

In all fairness, everything was going fine until his mother decided to pour herself yet another glass of wine. She's been particularly chatty and Kate's father has barely gotten a word in edgewise.

Whoops.

Kate spends most of dinner shooting him daggers with her eyes, like there's something he's supposed to be able to do about it. When he catches his mother reaching for the bottle, he feels a sharp, swift kick to his shin. He glares at her; _what was that for?_ Her eyes dart to the bottle and back to him again. _Get it together, Castle._

_Oh._

He finally gets the message and quietly attempts to remove the bottle from the table without his mother noticing.

"Now, darling, don't be rude. Maybe Kate's father would like some, hmm?"

Castle freezes at the end of the table just as Kate's fork clatters loudly onto her plate.

"I'm fine, Martha. Thank you." Castle admires the man's polite-if not a little strained-smile.

"Are you sure? You look a little-"

"_Mother_," Castle stage-whispers. She looks over at him, a little affronted. He shakes his head. _Not now_.

She waves him off. "Very well. I've probably had enough for one night, anyway." She lets out a little deprecating laugh that just barely covers Kate's snort of disbelief.

Castle purses his lips. "Mother, why don't you try some of Kate's eggnog?" He leans over the table and nudges the tall pitcher towards her before slipping into the kitchen to hide the wine.

"Shit," he mutters to himself, scrubbing a hand over his face.

"You can say that again." He whips around to find his exhausted girlfriend, dirty dishes in hand. He kisses her forehead and takes the dishes from her, depositing them into the sink.

"You left them in there alone?" he asks carefully, trying to keep the disapproval out of his tone.

"I needed a break," she grates. "And since you left me to fend for myself-"

"You've been shooting me dirty looks all night," he huffs incredulously.

She purses her lips. "And you thought it was a good idea to wait until her _fourth_ glass to take it away from her?"

"She's probably just nervous," he says defensively. Kate rolls her eyes, but he presses on. "Come on, Kate. You know my mother doesn't normally drink like this. Any other night and you'd be laughing at all of her stories," he says softly.

She sighs, carding a hand through her hair. "You're right. I just-" She shakes her head.

"I know. But Kate, it's taken us four years to get to where we are. You hated me when we first met, remember?"

"I didn't hate you, Castle. You annoyed the absolute shit out of me, but I didn't hate you." She pauses, her teeth finding that spot at her lip. "I was so irritated by how attracted I was to you," she admits, ducking her head as a light blush stains her cheeks.

"I would be all over you right now if you hadn't just insinuated that our parents are attracted to each other." He shudders.

"_Castle_," she groans.

He takes her hand and yanks her out after him. They've surely fed each other to the wolves by now.

"Kiddo, your eggnog is just a little bit too thick. I'll get you my recipe," she promises.

Kate's eyes flit nervously to her Dad before she turns back to his mother, forcing a small smile. "That's kind of you, Martha, but I'm fine with the one I have." She swallows, reaching over to cover her father's hand with hers. "It's my mother's."

"Oh, dear," Martha mutters softly under her breath, only loud enough for Castle to hear. He lifts his hand and squeezes hers reassuringly. She means well.

She does.

She recovers quickly, bubbling with energy. "How about a little dessert? I whipped up a pumpkin pie just for the occasion."

Castle lifts an eyebrow. "_You_ baked a pie?"

"Baked, bought. Potato, pot-ah-to." She waves him off, turning her attention back to Kate's father. "What do you say, Jim? Maybe even a little whipped cream?"

Jim smiles. Thank God. "Sounds great, Martha."

"I'll be back in a jiffy," she promises, sliding away from the table with little trouble, despite the alcohol humming through her veins.

Castle lets out a breath and reaches for his glass of wine for a long sip.

"Your mother's something else, Rick," Jim observes.

"That she is, sir." He pauses. "That she is."

* * *

"You know," he says, breaking off a bite of the chocolate chip cookie that she holds out for him. "Family holidays are overrated, anyway."

She laughs, curling her hand around his waist to bring her body closer to his. "Is that so?" She lifts her head a little, narrowly missing the shiny blue ball that dangles above their heads. He smiles, rubbing a hand down her back to smooth under her soft sweater. The lights from the tree have cast a soft, white halo around her hair, curling around the wisps that have fallen free.

"Can you think of anything better than a lazy Christmas day?" he hums against her cheek, flicking his tongue out to swipe the lingering chocolate from the corner of her mouth. "Maybe we invite them over for dinner, make them cook, hmm?" His fingers inch up her side, his thumbs smoothing against her ribs.

"Can't really argue with that logic," she rasps, her body thrumming pleasantly against his. Her fingers slide through his hair as she covers his mouth with hers, warm and delectable. He groans at the taste of dark chocolate on her tongue, heavy and bittersweet. She slides a leg between his thighs and rocks into him a little, her fingers slipping down to slide the buttons through his shirt.

"I've always wanted to make out under a Christmas tree," he mumbles between kisses.

She laughs against his lips, breathless and happy. "I was hoping for a little more action than that, Castle." She scrapes her nails down his chest as she sinks her teeth into his lip.

"More than happy to oblige," he rushes out on a deep groan.

* * *

**Thoughts?**

**Liv**


End file.
